When it comes to hearing the voice of the Lord, especially when seeking direction, I must confess that it does not always come easily to me. As a child and even into my first year at ORU, I felt like identifying His guidance was fairly simple. I was accustomed to hearing Him in specific ways; His methods of communicating with me were familiar and fairly consistent. Then life became more complex. My faith was challenged. My relationship with Him became much more dynamic, which meant that His methods of communicating with me became more diverse. Throughout my college experience, I feel like the Lord has challenged me on multiple occasions to step into uncharted territory. He seems to have been working on maturing our relationship, which meant breaking the mold from which our relationship operated.
Not very long ago, I found myself facing a fork in the road with a dear friend. We read the road signs; we saw the potential; we did not recognize any red flags; so naturally we chose to explore a joined path. Plainly speaking, we decided to begin dating. Normally, when faced with a prospective relationship, I have driven myself crazy analyzing the pros and the cons and praying for the Lord to guide me very specifically in the way that I should go. For the most part, I felt too conflicted to venture into a relationship with previous suitors. I’ve typically avoided any path in which I do not feel God’s grace and peace going before me.
This time, however, the conflicted feeling was not present in the same way when contemplating whether or not this path should be taken. When asking the Lord about whether or not to embark on this adventure, I did not receive a definite “yes” or “no;” rather, I felt the Lord challenging me with, “Will you trust Me?” For some, the answer to this question may be simple and require little thought or effort. For me, this question is loaded with history of stretching, brokenness, and redemption. So my response was that even when I do not quite know how to trust, I know that He is worthy of my trust and in that, I will choose to follow and submit…to the extent that He graces me to do so.
One of my biggest fears about relationships has been that I would repeat mistakes of the past, that I would enter into something unhealthy and ultimately destructive. I have feared that I would miss the guidance of the Lord and be lost on a path on which I did not belong. This fear has hindered me from stepping out and taking risks that would promote needed growth. I am not afraid of going on an adventure; in fact, I get excited about the prospect. I fear going on the wrong adventure.
So stepping into this relationship was a significant act of trust, for both of us, I think. As we entered into this, we were very intentional about constantly submitting our hearts to the Lord and asking Him to guide us in the way in which would be best according to His purposes for our lives. After a time, it became clear that those purposes were not meant to coincide in the context of a relationship.
I cannot speak to whether or not we should have entered into a relationship in the first place but the biggest lesson that I have learned from this is that when the Lord presents a challenge to trust Him, He will be worthy of that trust. My fears did not materialize into the monster that I dreaded, even though the relationship ultimately was not meant to be. The Lord took care of us throughout the relationship and gently led us out. I am learning that mistakes and detours, whatever you want to call them, do not have to be traumatic or even fatal to one’s purpose or general direction so long as one’s heart is constantly in a posture of submission to the Lord.
When we allow Him to direct us, He does. And sometimes that involves risk and missteps. But He is faithful and worthy of trust.
anothervapor 